I went home that evening after considering everything that the doctors had to say and talked with Ian. I felt pretty strong up until this point but in a moment of weakness I broke down. I cried and cried to my husband about what would happen if we lost our baby. My over active imagination took over as I imagined her funeral. My sweet husband was willing and able to give me a priesthood blessing in which he reminded me to remember the atonement of the Savior. The next morning I spent time in my scriptures studying all about the atonement. I wanted to know everything there was toknow so that Heavenly Father could help me through this hard time.
Later that evening, exactly year ago today, I got a call from my at Mom asking me what was wrong with my friend Andre. We had been trying to get ahold of each other for about a week and kept missing each others phone calls so it had been a few days since we talked. I told her I didn't know what she was talking about and she said people were posting all kinds of messages on his Facebook about "rest in peace" and such. I quickly informed her it was probably nothing and that she was overreacting. Denial! As soon as I hung up with her I called my friend. He didn't answer. No big deal. We'd been missing each other all week. He'll call me back.
As soon as I got home I looked into what my Mom was talking about. Sure enough I found in the news that my friend had passed away earlier that afternoon in a car accident. If you had asked me what my reaction would be hypothetically I'm sure I would have told you initially disbelief followed by extreme grief. Instead, thanks to the tender mercies of a loving Heavenly Father, my thoughts fell on the atonement of Jesus Christ.
I know the situation with my daughter was the Lord preparing me for this experience and I felt that in two very real ways. One is the one I've already described in knowing that because of the sacrifice of the Savior my friend would live again and I knew that I would see him again. The second was that my grief was turned into compassion. I had a small window into what it would be like to lose my baby and felt great empathy for my friend's family--especially his Mother. I feel that when I see my beautiful little girl who is now almost 1 year old.
To Mrs. Reyna:
You and your family have been a part of my life since the 4th grade. I always knew you were a blessing to me, but in this past year you have taught me so much more than I ever anticipated. The love that you have for your children is a model to me as a mother. The strength and faith that you have shown is a model to me as a child of God. I know you are still grieving, but please know that I will always remember you and your family for what you haven shown me during this experience. I know Andre loved you. I know he still loves you. He would be pleased to know of all you are doing in his memory.
To Andre:
I miss you my friend. Though I know I tried many times I could never express what a blessing you were and still are in my life. I could not have asked for a better friend. You made it easy for me to follow the unusual standards that I set for myself. You even encouraged me. We were able to have so much good, clean, fun together. I could always tell you anything. Remember that time my Mom got in a car accident and you drove me to the hospital and stayed with us? Remember that huge pirate pinata you sent me after I moved to Rexburg? Remember when you insisted on throwing me a birthday party? Remember how I would come buy a pack of gum at Publix so I could talk to my favorite checker? I have so many memories like that written in my journals. You even had input on helping me name my kids! My daughter Holly is the best reminder I have of you. She is so special to me because of that and I hope someday you two will meet. To my kids you will always be Tio Andre, just like you wanted. Thank you for everything.
